The Collateral Damage Forum
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Guest Book Welcome to the Collateral Damage forum! Whether you are a survivor of suicide or you want to help find a way to get rid of the stigma surrounding suicide, please introduce yourself and let us know where you are from. Moderators: admin, ScottChisholm | Topics: 3 Posts: 3 | Last post by amberwood in Hello on June 5, 2010, 04:43 |
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Share your story Please feel free to share your story of loss to suicide. Moderators: admin, ScottChisholm | Topics: 5 Posts: 8 | Last post by Pat in Re: 10 years old on May 6, 2010, 01:29 |
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Your Challenges What have been some of the challenges you've faced in losing someone to suicide? Moderators: admin, ScottChisholm | Topics: 1 Posts: 1 | Last post by ScottChisholm in Teachers, Police, Paramedics, Co-workers, ... on June 28, 2009, 23:09 |
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What Works For You What (or who) has helped you get beyond the stigma of suicide? Moderators: admin, ScottChisholm | Topics: 1 Posts: 3 | Last post by Karla McClain in Re: Talking, talking, talking on July 1, 2009, 19:35 |
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Events Tell us about your Suicide Awareness events! Moderators: admin, ScottChisholm | Topics: 6 Posts: 6 | Last post by Nan in 11th Annual National Survivor of Suicide Day teleconference on November 5, 2009, 07:18 |
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21 Posts in 16 Topics Made by 87 Members. Latest Member: gettingthere
Latest Post by amberwood on June 5, 2010, 04:43 |
Dear Kathy Timmons,
I read your note today and please know you are not alone. I too lost a beautiful daughter to suicide a year ago on March 27th. Please e mail me at hlroberts@cogeco.ca with your phone number and I will call you if you like. Scott is reaching so many and we have to help each other. I know exactly how you are feeling and you are so right this is the most lonely and hardest thing we will ever have to do. There is no greater pain than that of loosing a child. I will be thinking of you next saturday.
Dearest Jodie
You are in my and my families hearts and prayers. Please feel free to talk
Hugs and parayers.
Pat
I am so thankful for this forum.I lost my 20 year old son to suicide in Jan./2009.He had many issues one being bi-polar.Meds wher always a problem for Evan growing up as soon as someone would find out he would stop taking them.Evan leaves behind a very large family that all suffer from his lose in different ways.And guess what no one wants to talk about it.Well I want to talk and talk because it helps with my healing and people have to realize that it does happen and the ones left behind need to talk about it.
You know, I look at all of these messages from everyone and I think wouldn’t it be amazing to come together as a group of mum’s and put pressure on the medical health system to properly fund and support mental health issues? Wouldn’t it be great to see suicide and other mental health issues treated like cancer or heart disease! To me, to see that happen would be the ultimate tribute to my son and his brief but very lovely life. Please contact me if you are interested…
Wonderful Joanne
I am in Alberta and when they brought this Australian guy in who was going to be paid big bonuses to close beds in our mental health hospital there was such a huge outcry by professionals, regular persons, unions, that idea was shot down.
He wanted to get rid of psychiatrists, nurses and whatever to save the system money.
I heard that he also wanted to cut out snacks and toothbrushes and the like for these patients also! How low can some people sink?
Nothing like kicking people when they are at their lowest point!
We all have to pull together to keep the care people need in our communities.
The only bonus he should get is a free trip back to Australia!!!
So many persons with mental health issues end up on the streets with nowhere to turn and no one to talk to!
With attitudes like his it is no wonder Alberta has the second highest rate of suicide in the country!!
Not something we should be proud of.
So sad!
Agreed!
While I fought valiently to get care for my 23 year-old son, I was told that as an adult he (or his doctor) would have to make the decision to enter a facility and not me! Same thing when I spoke with his psychologist (three weeks after his death), that due to patient confidentiality rules he could not contact me! Knowing that I would lose my son if I didn’t do something I called and spoke with numerous health professionals, always being told the same thing. He’s an adult and therefore capable of making his own decisions. Guess what? People with mental health issues don’t make very wise decisions!! Well, it’s been almost a year now since his suicide and not a day goes by that I don’t shed tears and hope against hope that this was all a bad dream. Liam was a wonderful, wonderful man, brilliant, kind, artistic, funny and had so much to give! To you Pat, and your fellow Albertans…..I tip my hat!
Let’s keep this going….please!!
Hi Joanne.
It needs to be a joint effort right across Canada as my grandson was only 17 and what makes me angry is that grandparents do not have rights either!!
When we are “disturbed” in any way we need others to make decisions for us and with Mental Health it is so important.
I needed everyones help after he passed. I could not fill in forms or do lots of things. Who knows what I said or did either.
We will think of a way to get a country wide petition of some kind going and get these “professionals” off their butts and working for the right things to do!
I will have to get you to e-mail me at reddypat@hotmail.com and then you can google my name and see what I did in Alberta to the medical profession! I am still at it and now I have an even greater cause to battle for!!
We will not let our children die in vain.
Chat soon.
Pat
Hi Jodie
I have not forgotten you. I am just trying to get my surgery done and have fought for over three years for this. Will chat with you later.
Hugs, love and prayers to you and your family.
Well Pat….let’s get it started!
Joanne,
Where do we start and I will be there with you all.
I am fighting for the right to have my surgery right now but doing this for our children, family members and anyone who cannot do it for themselves now and then is so important and it is time to stand up and do something.
Pat
Thanks Pat, and good luck with your surgery. I’m not sure where to begin, although telling our stories to a large audience could be quite compelling. I am starting a foundation in my sons memory sometime this year. Ideally, I want to approach this issue from a prevention perspective (ie proper funding for research, medication, new facilities, programs) as there seems to be so little offered at present. Also, I would like to see the patient confidentiality rules changed somewhat to provide more information on diagnosis/treatment to parents, grandparents, siblings and the like. Additionally, special training for medical professionals dealing with individuals with mental health issues. The crisis centers here in Ontario are very ineffective to say the least………..
Hi Joanne,
Same here. That doctor from Australia was the bottom of the barrel
why would you cut funding to mental health?
All we can do is preventive and try to save as many lives as we can.
I now have all these “new grandchildren” we have adopted each other since my Joshua’s death. So thru them I hope to get them involved in their colleges and universities.
I think Sam and Kyle so far have joined Scotts site.
Did you see Dr. Phil today. It is on Facebook he did a show on suicide and had kids on chatting. Writing why so many of them want to commit suicide.
Very enlightening.
Chat later.
Pat
I recently had the pleasure to meet Scott and share some of our experiences. I think that this is a great outlet for so many that need a place to turn when there is so little resources for the living victims of these situations. It has been 7 years since my brother’s death and I have a hard time sharing my experience, and even though I had only spent one short evening with Scott, it allowed me to reflect on some of the feelings that I had so neatly tucked away inside of me. In retrospect, my experience and the complexity of my situation with a loss through suicide have become part of me, part of who I am, and huge impact on my existence today. It affects how I view the world, how I live my life, how I love others and what I will teach my child. In contrast to many, I restrain from telling someone else that has any type of loss, that “I know how you feel”. I really do not know how anyone feels with their own loss. I only know how it made me feel, and how it makes me feel every day. The sad thing is that no one else will feel exactly like I do. But the process of expressing those feelings and connecting with others with similar pain just might make the burden somewhat lighter. Thank you Scott, I look forward to seeing the end result of your efforts.
I lost my father to suicide almost 2 years ago while deployed to iraq. it is that hardest thing i have ever had to deal with. I am extatic to see this site up. i think it will do a lot of good. I feel good knowing that i am not alone in my pain and in my struggles. I miss my father very much and think about him every day. Anytime i can think of a story involving him i tell it. I think it is because thats all i have left. stories and memories, i am afraid if i dont talk about him i wont remember him as well as i do, and he is not some one I ever want to forget.
I cannot imagine what losing a loved one while away in another land must be for you. I`m sure for myself it has been a long road. I lost my 14 year old daughter to suicide almost 3 years ago. It seems like yesterday. She was such a selfless loving girl.
The more we discuss this subject, the better. I never lost anyone to suicide, but I almost succeeded in killing myself some years ago. It was a defining moment in my life, the sense of being lost and hopeless for so long, and the long, long road back to a (somewhat) normal life.
Had forums and projects like this one been around back then, things might have been better for me. And perhaps it may help someone in the future, to serve as a reminder that everyone is precious and anyone would be missed if they were no longer here.
Dear Lost,
Glad you decided to stay. How I only wish other’s would see that in their passing they are devastating those who care about them. Forever changing their loved ones lives! What an awful burden for a family to carry. I, like you, hope that a site like this does indeed help those who are truly lost. Please, if anyone out there is considering suicide……..tell someone!! You are more loved and cherished than you will ever know…………..
Hi Everyone..
I am Kellie. You can read a bit about my story on Scotts BLOG …
I have lost a husband to suicide 12 years ago, and a friend recently.
I am so appreciate of the work that Scott and all of you are doing… dialog is so important…
It was a pleasure meeting Scott and sharing some of my story.
I would love to talk and share with others and is hoping that this would be the place.
The comfort of knowing your not alone… even after all these years… I still need it…
Kellie
Hi Kellie,
I would love to share with you as sometimes I feel so all alone. I’m on this constant search for peace and I rarely find any. I lost my son almost 18 months ago and not a day (hour) goes by that I don’t think about him. I miss him soooooooooo much and I’m just so sad all the time……
I am going on with the day to day struggle of losing my fianc’e to sucide almost two years ago. Some days are better than others. The tools that I am using to survive myself are my compassion and strength to reach out to others who are suffering. It makes me feel like there must be a reason that I was left behind. I belive that this is a battle that I will have to fight for the rest of my life… Acceptance…… there are so many stages to this type of grief. I have a little dog who keeps me company and I know she is counting on me to be there for her. Silly as it may sound.. it has worked so far. . I wish all of you the strength and courage to keep going. This kind of lonliness makes you very tired and it’s easy to question yourself about what you could have done to change this horrible outcome. Just know that we can’t always save the people we love but that doesn’t me we have to stop loving them or pretend it didn’t happen. My memories of Byron are what makes me know that as badly as it ended it was still the best thing that ever happened to me.The common thread we all share here is that we can love. So stay the course my friends and make your own kind of music.
Hi Joanne,
I have just returned from holidays….Thanks for your message. Not sure how this works on here as i don’t check this daily. You may e-mail me at my pen friend e-mail if you wish… claudettemuise@cogeco.ca or on here anytime you feel like chatting or wanting someone to listen. For me the peace comes from knowing les is where he chose to be. As hard as that is for many to understand and accept I know with all my heart that he took his life to get the peace he so desperately wanted. I also know there were other ways to find it as well but those things did not work for him. I had a lot of guilt for a while, well to be honest some days i still feel it, mind you, dealing with a mental illness of my own now ( PTSD) I can better understand what took Les to that dark and lonely place. I believe we are all capable of going there. Having said that, it is his death that reminds me of how precious and short this life we are given is and I wake every day knowing it is worth the fight. Hope you will find that too one day. The grieving takes a toll on our body and mind. Try to stay strong and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Thinking of you…Kellie